


The Question

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, M/M, POV First Person, POV Rick Grimes, Pining, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 04:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13287213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: "I'd like to ask if Daryl can stay."  Rick's stream of consciousness as he awaits an answer.





	The Question

**Author's Note:**

> I have been battling my worst writer's block ever so this was a little exercise for me to get me writing. Just figured I'd go ahead and post it. Thanks to lotr58 for the quick beta. And thanks to Marooncamaro for being her usual inspiring self.

“I’d like to ask you if Daryl could stay,” I hear myself mutter. My voice is weak. Emasculated. Foreign. But I need to ask because I can’t do this without him. I can’t _survive_ without him. 

I’d spent the better part of the day following Negan through my town like he was the Pied Piper and I was just a hapless rat. I watched him take everything: medicine, food, guns. I can let those things go for the chance at a peace between us. But I can’t let Daryl go. Not when I’ve got him right here — so close I could touch him. 

He’s broken. I look at him and see they’ve beaten him, tortured him. He has dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and he’s flinching again like he used to before he learned how to trust.

Me? I’m sure he’s looking at me and knowing that I’ve surrendered. I surrendered the second that bat went down on Abraham. I crumbled to pieces when I heard Maggie screaming for Glenn. I don’t have anything left to fight with. Negan won. He can have me. But I need to have Daryl in return. I _need_ him.

Nervously, I stand waiting for my answer, feeling naked...vulnerable. Seconds drag on like hours. Negan knows now. Knows how important Daryl is to me and I’m thinking maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. But that’s just the problem. I can’t _think_ straight without Daryl by my side giving me that look. Guiding me. Either a nod or a shake of his head to show me the way. 

I’ll give anything, follow any order, undertake any task just to get this man back from Negan’s hold. He’s my center, my ground, my reason. And I need to know what he wants me to do. Am I doing the right thing, submitting? Or should I fight for him? How do I know which way has the best chance of success?

I grip harder at Lucille as I wait for Negan’s slow response and my eyes go back to Daryl. He looks like he’s given up and the thought horrifies me. I should take this bat and crush Negan now. Crush him for Abraham, for Glenn...for Daryl. But I can’t because I don’t know what comes next. His people are just as ruthless and I can’t swing a bat if there’s a chance Daryl could be caught in the crossfire. 

I wait, awkward and meek, already knowing the answer by now. Daryl isn’t meeting my eyes, though I try to force him, and it makes me want to scream. What have they done to him? What will they _keep_ doing to him? He’s barely even there.

“Not Happenin’,” Negan finally says. My heart sinks lower than it already was if that’s even possible.

“You know what?” he continues in his grating sing-songy tone, “I don’t know. Mayyybeee Daryl can plead his case. Mayyybeee Daryl can sway me,” he looks at me, smug and cocky, then back to Daryl. “Daryl?” he asks, like we are all just puppets dancing on his strings.

I know immediately he isn’t going to speak. He’s fighting it, fighting against the inevitable submission. Should I have done the same? I feel the wood of Lucille still in my hand and I am sick standing there before Daryl, holding Negan’s weapon and pleading like a child instead of wielding it. Should I? Shouldn’t I? God, Daryl, what should I do?

Negan continues his threats and his bravado, but I hear nothing. Nothing but the crickets and the wind as I keep my eyes on Daryl. I know he feels me watching him. He wants to talk to me, but he knows better. He wants me to know that I’m doing the right thing. I can feel that in the air between us. He’s brave and strong standing there, refusing to plead. God, I need him.

Negan continues muttering next to me, but I keep my gaze focused straight ahead. I simply can’t face anyone. I can’t string his words together to make sense of them anymore. I can’t see anything other than a blur of blood and bat, echos of screams in my head.

As the last vehicle passes, I turn to watch and I see Daryl sitting in the back watching me, telling me it’s going to be okay in this way he has of making me know things without words. And for a moment I think that he loves me. And finally I know I love him. 

The time will come when we can shove Lucille down Negan’s throat together and choke him on it. I know that time will come. I know my hands will drip with his blood. It’s not a hope or wish. It’s truth, fact, certainty. My helplessness slowly turns to anger and I vow that I will have Daryl back. And I will hold him in my arms so that he knows how much I’ve needed him. Whatever they’ve done to him, I’ll take it all away. I’ll bring him home.

As I turn to face the next night without him, I growl at Spencer and consider taking my aggression out on him. Think about throwing punches and screaming and busting up my knuckles till they bleed. 

But in my mind I see Daryl...looking at me and shaking his head no. So I move on without bloodshed and start planning how to get him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Again- this was just practice and I hope it didn't totally suck. I miss writing every day and hope that I get inspired to keep going. The show has kinda disappointed me I guess. But at least we have Fan Fiction.
> 
> Side note: If legolastariel is reading... how about a challenge? Want to do Daryl's POV for this scene!?!? :-D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Answer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330983) by [legolastariel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolastariel/pseuds/legolastariel)




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